Great Ambitions v Small Success

I recently got a fortune cookie that said, "Do not let great ambitions overshadow small success."  This one made me think.  I thought about both halves.  What are my great ambitions?  What are the small successes?  There are definitely days when I feel neither ambitious nor successful.  I'm not sure which one makes me feel worse.

In thinking about it, though, I realize that I do have some long term goals.  I want to run a marathon.  I would like to have a strong marriage and a good relationship with my kids for the rest of my life.   And I hope to make a significant difference in this world.  These seem like good lifetime goals, that are not easy, but are attainable.  Not really ambitious, though, right?

I've been thinking about the small successes too.  While I don't always feel successful in my roles of wife and mother,  I realize that if I'm paying attention, I can see the successes.  The things that I do each day for my husband and kids are immeasurable in their impact.  When I see and hear about the way my kids interact with each other and with the world around them, I know my work is not in vain.  There are days that feel like just getting to the end of them, without any major problems, is a minor success all its own.  When I think about the relationship that I have with Gary, and I know all the work that we've put into it, I can see the fruits of my labor (and his!).

So, do all the small successes add up to the realization of my great ambitions? Can I settle into the daily grind, celebrating the small things, and knowing that through them,  I'm making a significant difference?  Is it ok to just have attainable ambitions without being particularly ambitious?  Will the recognition of the daily success stories make me feel more successful in general?

When it is all said and done, I hope that what I do each day, will bring me closer to my long term goals -- especially as I strive not to let the worry over my great ambitions overshadow all the small success in my life!

Post-Oscar Post

Here are my thoughts on the Oscar results. (If you haven't read my other Oscar posts and want to, you can here and here). There were no surprises this year (in the major categories).  While it can be exciting for someone unexpected to win, I always find myself feeling really badly for the person who is considered the shoe-in, and then doesn't win.  The Nominated always talk about how they try not to listen to the press, or how they know that anyone could win at any given awards show, but I suspect that it's a different kind of disappointment when you're the "favorite" but not the winner.

The best picture win for The King's Speech made me really happy.  I really loved that movie. (Right?  You know that!).   It's certainly Oscar bait, as they say, but I thought it was an amazing movie - definitely deserving of an Oscar. Colin Firth won best actor (yay!), but I do kind of wish Geoffrey Rush had won for best supporting (an "upset" that would've been ok with me, contrary to my previous paragraph!)  While we're on the subject, I think I would've preferred an upset in the supporting actress category also.  I picked Hailee  Steinfeld, but I also loved the performance of Amy Adams. (Melissa Leo won.  Maybe I need to change my stance on no surprises at the Oscars!)  Natalie Portman was beyond amazing in the best actress category, and I'm really glad she won.

Ok, a few words on the Oscar telecast.  There's been a lot of talk about the evening's hosts: Anne Hathaway and James Franco, and most of it is negative.  I'm not really one to criticize, and this is no exception.  Anne Hathaway's energy level was definitely about double James Franco's, but that seemed in keeping with their personalities. (This is off-topic, but I really enjoyed the fact that James Franco wore a huge cardigan sweater over his tux at the Independent Spirit Awards that were televised the night before the Oscars!! Did you see that?)  I loved the movie montage that Anne and James did in the beginning, inserting themselves in to scenes from the best picture nominees (especially the True Grit part)!  If you didn't see it, you can watch it on youtube.  I will say, though, the Back to the Future part at the end was a little lame.

Since it's the thing to do, I'll also say a few words about the Oscar 2011 dresses!!  If you would like to see People.com's picks for best dressed, click here. I had a hard time finding a worst dressed list, and maybe that should've been my cue to stick with the my claim of not being one to criticize (see above paragraph).  I persevered, though, just in case you'd be disappointed in incomplete coverage of Oscar fashion!  So, here's your list! Enjoy!  I think it's funny that there are some dresses on both lists.  My favorites were those dresses worn by Halle Berry, Hailee Steinfeld, and Nicole Kidman (Nicole's, btw, was on the worst list).  I have to say that Natalie Portman (pregnant) and Penelope Cruz (just gave birth) looked fantabulous!!  (I will only celebrate them and not spew mean/jealous words...).  I thought it was a great year for fashion.  In my opinion, there were no disasters, but my least favorite dresses were those worn by Melissa Leo and Cate Blanchett (Cate's, btw, was on People's best list).

While I'm sure the celebrities (especially those nominated) are happy that the award season is over, I'm a little sad.  I'll admit to a very small bout with post-Oscar depression.  It's gone now, though, and I'm thinking I'd like to go see The Adjustment Bureau. Have any of you seen it?? I read a review that said that LOST fans would like it!!

I'd love to hear your post-Oscar thoughts!

Oscar Preview Addendum

I'm writing a quick addendum to my Oscar Preview post, because last night I watched Winter's Bone.  Jennifer Lawrence gave a convincing performance as Ree, a poor rural Missouri teenager, caring for her younger siblings and sick mother, while trying to find her missing father, who has put their family home in jeopardy. (whew!) This movie is lead by mostly little-known actors, and includes several inexperienced actors from the rural Missouri town where the movie was filmed.  While I was impressed with the performances, I was a little confused by the story (both the plausibility and the flow).  I'm really glad I saw this intriguing movie, but in my opinion, it doesn't quite stand up to the other films on the list.   John Hawkes is nominated in the supporting actor category for his role as Ree's uncle.  While I have a soft place in my heart for him because of his LOST days, and I enjoyed his performance, I'm still only torn between Christian Bale and Geoffrey Rush. (BTW, I'm leaning toward Rush).

I'd still love to hear your thoughts, and the Oscar coverage starts in 1 hour!! Woo Hoo!

My Oscar Preview

This year I've seen 9 of the 10 Oscar-nominated Best Picture films.  Since I rarely see more than one or two, I thought I would take the opportunity this year to write my thoughts and predictions.  I hope you'll comment if you would like to join the discussion.  My friend, Caren, told me recently, "Laura, you like to be part of the discourse."  It's so true!  I love to DISCUSS, so let's do it!!

(Let me add that I decided not to distinguish the movie titles with parentheses or underline or bold, because there were so many of them.  They are capitalized, but doing anything else became tedious. I hope that doesn't bother you!)

Best Picture
This year I saw all the Best Picture nominees except Winter's Bone.  I ran out of time, and it was a hard one to find.  My brother, Dave, told me it was his least favorite, and we have similar taste, so I decided not to try very hard.

I honestly enjoyed the remaining nine movies very much.  It was a good year for me to see so many.  Inception and Black Swan were very intriguing, amazingly-filmed movies.  Social Network was of particular interest to me (for obvious reasons), and lived up to my expectations (although I would rank it near the bottom of this list).  Toy Story was nostalgic and a lot of fun.  I love movies like The Fighter, because the  characters are layered - more complicated than the initial impression.  In this case, these real people were played beautifully by the actors who portrayed them.

I was very pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed both True Grit and 127 Hours.  I didn't think I wanted to see either movie at the beginning of Oscar season, but after reading about them and hearing recommendations from others, I decided to see them both.  I'm so glad I did.  True Grit was a beautiful movie, with the scenery seeming like an additional character.  The characters were engaging and the dialogue witty.  127 Hours felt like an experience, more than just watching a movie.  The music, too, was fantastic and really contributed to the experience!

I have to say, though, that my favorite movie this year is The King's Speech.  I hate to just go with the crowd on this one, and I'm not necessarily drawn to "pearls and fur" movies (as they say), but I was so moved by Colin Firth's portrayal of the stammering prince/king. I found myself so drawn into his relationships.  The King's Speech made me laugh and cry.  I loved loved loved it, so my pick for Best Picture is The King's Speech. 

Best Actress
I'm at a little bit of a loss in this category, because I didn't see Nicole Kidman (Rabbit Hole), Jennifer Lawrence (Winter's Bone), or Michelle Williams (Blue Valentine).  I probably shouldn't even comment here, but since I am, I will say what I think about the performances of Natalie Portman (Black Swan) and Annette Bening (The Kids Are All Right).  According to the media, the race is really down to these two actresses anyway.

There's been much talk about the fact that Annette Bening has three previous nominations and no wins.  She was nominated for Best Actress in 1999 for American Beauty and in 2004 for Being Julia. (Bening's third nom was Best Supporting Actress in 1990 for The Grifters).  In both 1999 and 2004, she lost to Hilary Swank.  Hilary Swank is not nominated this year, but the question is still, will she lose a third time to a younger actress?

I thought that Natalie Portman's portrayal of a mentally unstable ballerina in Black Swan was amazing.  Really, a-maz-ing!  The movie was a little psycho for me, but she truly pulled off the performance.  She definitely deserves an Academy Award!  On the other hand, Annette Bening really sold the tightly-wound doctor in a sometimes rocky marriage!  BUT, I thought her costar, Julianne Moore, had some of the best scenes. Moore's speech about marriage ("Marriage is a marathon.  It's f*ing hard with a lot of slogging through!" - I paraphrase!) was really really powerful!

I pick Natalie Portman to win.  She truly transformed herself into her character, requiring a lot of physical and mental endurance.  I'll be fine if Annette Bening wins, though, even if it's just because she's already lost twice to actresses in their twenties!  I have Empathy.

Best Actor
Of the five nominated performances, I saw four.  I didn't see Javier Bardem in Biutiful.  Jesse Eisenberg was convincing in the role of Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, but I didn't think The Social Network was as good as some of these others, and wouldn't pick Eisenberg to win.

Choosing between the remaining three actors is very hard for me.  I've talked about how much I loved The King's Speech, and I thought Colin Firth's performance was fantastic!  I would like to know how many minutes of the movie, 127 Hours, included only James Franco.  This thoroughly engaging movie was almost completely Franco's gripping performance as a hiker pinned by a rock for 127 hours.  The story, too, was much more than just how he survived his ordeal, and much much more than just the fact that (**spoiler alert -- if you don't know how he escaped and don't want to, don't read the rest of this sentence**) he had to cut off his arm to free himself!

Jeff Bridges is a fantastic actor.  I loved him in last year's Crazy Heart and again this year as a U. S. Marshal in True Grit.  Bridges won last year, beating out Colin Firth, who was nominated for A Single Man.  I'm not sure that Bridges' performance is outstanding enough to win two years in a row.  (The last back-to-back winner was Tom Hanks for Philadelphia - 1993, and Forrest Gump - 1994). Bridges has really hit his stride, though, and I look forward to what's next for him.


Ok, now is the time that I have to choose, so I think I'm going to go with Colin Firth. I just loved The Kings Speech so much.  If James Franco wins, though, I will be equally as happy.  


Best Supporting Actress
In this category, I saw four of the five performances.  I didn't watch Jacki Weaver in Animal Kingdom.  You know how I feel about The King's Speech, and Helena Bonham Carter did a lovely job as the (eventual) Queen Mother.  In The Fighter, Amy Adams (as girlfriend) and Melissa Leo (as mother) were really instrumental in the movie's success (of course, we'll get to Christian Bale in a minute).  Of the two, though, I would vote for Adams over Leo, even though Leo seems to be a front runner in this race.

I honestly think that Hailee Steinfeld is nominated in the wrong category.  She portrays a 14-year-old spitfire, out to revenge her father's death, in True Grit.  She is really the main character in this story, and a commanding performance on her part was essential.  She delivered in a major way, and for that Hailee Steinfeld gets my vote in this category!



Best Supporting Actor
I saw three of the performances in this category.  I didn't see John Hawkes in The Winter's Bone, or Jeremy Renner in The Town (although I really wanted to).  According to things I've read, it seems that this race is pretty  much down to two men: Christian Bale in The Fighter, and Geoffrey Rush in The King's Speech.  Mark Ruffalo is also nominated for his role as the sperm donor in The Kids Are All Right.

I liked Ruffalo's performance, but I didn't think it was nearly as good as the performances of Bale and Rush.  I'm having trouble deciding which actor will get my vote.  Bale really lost himself in the character of Dicky Edlund, the former-boxer-turned-drug-addict who now trains his little brother.  Bale's portrayal of Dicky really shines, in a movie full of great performances.  As the prince/king's speech therapist, Geoffrey Rush goes toe-to-toe with Colin Firth, in what will probably be Firth's Oscar-winning performance.  I loved Rush's character and loved watching the beautiful friendship that developed between the prince and the therapist.

I think this race may just be too close for me to call right now.  I'll make my pick by Sunday night (not that anyone is holding his/her breath for news of what I decide)!



My Closing Remarks
In light of the fact that this is an Oscar post, I would like to give my own little thank you speech.  I'm elated that I was able to see almost all the best picture movies, and I have some people to thank.  First, I'll thank the Academy for having the Oscars, because it really does make me happy (pathetic? maybe.), and gets me out to the movies!  Next, I would like to thank Alex Schmidt for challenging my assumption that I would never have time to see movies during the day.  I would like to thank Dave and Rachel Zahniser for encouraging me to see 127 Hours, and Caren Wood for taking time out of her day to see it with me.  Thank you to Faye and Clair for babysitting on a couple of Friday afternoons, so I could go see The King's Speech and The Fighter.  Thank you to Steve and Caren Wood for recommending True Grit. And last, but not least, a big thank you to my dear husband, Gary Pierson.  Thank you for working hard and being willing to indulge my Oscar-season movie needs.  I couldn't have done it without your support (or your money! lol).

Thanks for reading, and I would love to hear your thoughts and predictions about the Academy Awards (which air this Sunday, Feb 27 at 7pm Central on abc)!

Every Woman Needs a Wife!

You've heard this expression, right? "Every woman needs a wife."  I believe it's never more true than during this time of year.  Oh, if I just had a wife to help me through the holiday season!!  Can I hear an "Amen" here?

Here's the thing about December: until the week before Christmas, nothing that is on the regular weekly schedule actually stops to make room for all the extra holiday stuff!  We still go to soccer practice, Kumon, Kid's Quest at church, etc.  The kids still have homework and spelling words.  Not to mention the fact that the family still needs to eat, wear clean clothes and live in a somewhat clean environment.  Right?  So where is the time to help the kids make their Christmas lists and then send them to family?  When do I shop for the exact gifts the kids want and then hide them until it's time to wrap them (also my job)? How am I suppose to shop for and mail gifts to out-of-town folks?  What about the baking and food prep?

Do you see where I'm headed with this?  A wife would be a great addition to the month of December.  The amount of babysitting I need to accommodate all the parties and activities, alone, could keep my wife busy 1) taking care of the kids or 2) booking the sitters!  Splitting everything with a wife would make the work manageable, don't you think?  She could drive the kids around town to their activities, and I could hit the mall (and I haven't even discussed the time it takes to make a list, figure out which store coupons I have and can use, plan my trips according to which stores are close together so I can accomplish more with each outing, etc...).   While I baked, she could load the dishwasher and wipe down the countertops (or vice versa, honestly, I'd clean if she wanted to bake!). She could make the trips to the post office, or just sit in the car with the kids so I wouldn't have to get them all out.  And she could definitely help keep the kids from finding their gifts, and help me remember which wrapping paper is used for "Santa gifts" and which is safe for regular presents.  (Maybe, just maybe, she'd also be really good at making chocolate martinis, for those nights when even two moms didn't feel like enough!!)

Ah, a wife, just what I need this Christmas, but she'd have to be free, of course, because who can afford to PAY for help in December???

Halloween

This year we experienced Halloween from two different perspectives! The big kids (at 7 & 9) have gotten to the place where it's just really all about the candy.  They cared less about what costumes they wore.  They wanted bigger bags that held more candy, and they wanted to run from house to house.  I remembered these days, so I tried not to get frustrated, and I accommodated them if I could.

On the other hand, Mary is just starting out in this whole Halloween process.  She loves candy, and this year she seemed to understand that this night was about getting it. She also loves people, so the socializing was also great fun! G & R taught her how to say, "trick or treat" and spent the day quizzing her: "Mary, what do you say if you want candy?" or "We ring the bell and then what do we say?" Mary: "Twick o tweet!" (with enthusiasm).

Mary seemed up to the challenge, but just before we left we decided to do a trial run.  She and I went outside and knocked on the door.  The kids opened it, and I said, "Mary, what do you say?" Mary looked at me and looked at them, and then very excitedly said, "Gimme some candy!"

Well, she ended up doing fine.  She said "Twick o tweet" at almost every house, and sometimes she got "pease" and "tank coo" mixed up, but for the most part she was a very polite ladybug.  The big kids were a little frustrated with her, though, because she took the whole thing at her own pace.  She LOVED the pumpkins, and wanted to touch and talk about just about each one that she saw. "Oo, that's a big punkin!" "Look at that punkin!" At several houses, when the bowl  of candy was extended to her to pick a piece, she said things like, "Umm.  I don't know.  What's this called?" (showing a piece to the kind person holding the bowl).  And at one house, when a man with a very scary mask was passing out the candy, rather than be scared, she went right up to him and said, "Hi! What's you name?"

It was a fun night, and the kids ended up with plenty of good candy! Mary had us laughing all evening, and even though she doesn't really know it, she's also turning out to be a very, very good candy-sharer!! ;)

You Came Back!

Mary is very outgoing, and she enjoys going to the Mom's-Day-Out program that she attends twice a week.  She also likes the nursery at church and the childcare at the gym.  It sure makes things easier for me!!  I know she likes being with me too, though, because when I return, I'm always met with an exuberant "You came back!" This exclamation is often followed by lots of running around the room and exclaiming to everyone, "My mommy's back!" "That's my mom. She came back." (I am not  exaggerating!).

Lately, the "you came back" routine starts when we pull into the parking lot.  I say, "Here we are.  Are you ready to go play with the kids?"  She usually says "Yes.", and lately she's started adding, "And you'll come back." Of course my answer is,"Yes, I'll come back."

There's a psychological term for this.  The psychologist, Mary Ainsworth, coined the term "securely attached".  This aspect of Attachment Theory is explained as: "Securely attached children exhibit distress when separated from caregivers and are happy when their caregiver returns.  Remember, these children feel secure and able to depend on their adult caregivers.  When the adult leaves, the child may be upset but he or she feels assured that the parent or caregiver will return." (http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattraction/a/attachment01.htm)

So, there you have it -- making my kids feel securely attached is part of my job (a big part!).  Being with them is a blessing, but being away from them can be too.  What I'm trying to do is to make sure that they feel the security necessary to be sad when I leave and happy when I return.  And, according to attachment theory, the attachment that they feel to me as kids will transfer to how they relate to others as adults.  This parenting stuff -- it's so important -- it really matters.  And while I'm so far from perfect, I know that when I do my very best to love and care for them, then (Lord willing!) I'm raising them to be securely attached adults, who are able to love and care for themselves and others.  And, really, isn't that what it's all about?

For now, I'll just do my best each day, and...

"Yes, Mary, I'll always come back."