Friday, July 09, 2010

Sometimes I control food...

...and sometimes it controls me.

For those of you who don't know, I'm a lifetime member of Weight Watchers. Ten years ago, I lost 35 pounds.  It was the year before I got pregnant with Gregory.  Three kids later, I can say that I've been losing and gaining those same 35 pounds for 10 years -- quite literally!  Now that I'm done having kids, it's not really all 35 pounds that come and go, but there are always about 10 with which I am constantly fighting.  Sometimes I feel like I'm on a roller coaster of weight loss and gain.

The reason WW works for me, is because I'm required to keep track of everything that goes into my mouth.  It doesn't all have to be good stuff, it just has to be counted.  There are days when I'm completely on board with the program and feel energized by feeling in control.  There are other days, though, that I feel completely overwhelmed by the prospect and just eat without care!

The truth is that my love of all things edible is what has led me to my dependence on running.  I think I'm now addicted to running, but one reason I need to run is because I love to eat!   I tend to gain the weight in the winter and take it off in the summer.  It's so much easier to run and to do other outdoor exercise when the weather is warm.  (There are also plenty of yummy fresh fruits and vegetables in the summer).

When I first lost the weight, I didn't have any kids and my husband worked all the time (as a brand new attorney in Chicago).  I worked in a school and was home by 4pm every day.  I had all the time in the world to exercise if I wanted and to spend lots of time preparing very healthy, low fat meals.  Now it's a lot harder.  I have to get up early to exercise before Gary leaves for work.  I make meals for five people, not just me, and I keep a much larger variety of food in the house.  I just plain don't have as much control over my time and my food as I did when I didn't have kids and all my free time was my own.

I recently made it back to my goal weight, for probably the tenth to fifteenth time in my life (no joke)!  And I know that those bad 10 pounds will sneak their way back on at some point (probably when winter comes again), but I'm trying to concentrate on controlling the things that I can (getting out of bed to run, tracking the food that I eat), and letting go of the things that I can't (mainly the fact that I'm responsible for more than just myself).  If I can let go, then I won't: 1) resent my kids, and 2) get overwhelmed and eat without care!!.  I just have to take it one day at a time, and hope that on more days than not, I'm the one mostly in control!

Here's my most recent set of before and after pictures! lol
The first was taken April 2009, and the second July 2010.

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