Yummy dream bars & chocolate cherry mocha cookies

Dream Bars

This is the combination of about three different recipes, and has also been amended after a not-so-great trial run.

1 cup butter

4 cups graham cracker crumbs

2 cups toasted coconut (see below)

2 cups semi sweet chocolate chips

1 cup butterscotch chips

1 can sweetened condensed milk (or 2)

Melt the butter. Mix in graham crackers. Press into the bottom of a Pam-sprayed 9 x 13 pan. Sprinkle chocolate and butterscotch chips over the graham cracker mix. Sprinkle toasted coconut on top of chips. Pour sweetened condensed milk over everything. (If you like really gooey dream bars, use two cans sweetened condensed milk). Bake for about 20 minutes at 325.

How to toast coconut:

Put a thin layer of coconut on a cookie sheet. Bake for about 20 minutes at 300. Mix every so often to even toasting.

Chocolate Cherry Mocha Cookies (1/2 Batch)

This recipe originally used red wine instead of espresso. I made it with the red wine, but didn't like it much, so I tried it with espresso and liked it a lot more. This is a really rich cookie! :)

3/4 cup flour
1/4 cup + 2T cocoa powder
1/2 t salt
1/2 t baking soda
4 T butter
1/4 cup + 2 T sugar
1/2 cup + 2T brown sugar
2T slightly beaten egg
1/2 t vanilla
1/4 cup espresso or strong coffee
1 cup bittersweet chocolate chips (I used Ghirardelli 60% Cacao)
1/2 cup dried cherries, cut in half

Preheat oven 375. In small bowl, mix flour, cocoa, salt and baking soda. Set aside. In mixer, cream butter with sugars. Add egg and vanilla. Mix well. Add 1/2 dry mixture and then 1/2 the espresso. Mix until just combined. Add the rest of the dry and the rest of the espresso. Mix until just combined. Drop on ungreased cookie sheet and bake 8-10 minutes.

Help me, I'm technologically illiterate!

I have a twitter account, and I'll admit it right here, it's been so long since I've used it, I can't remember how (I just tried!). This is how awful my technological savvy has become! Apparently, being out of the work place for 9 years leads to a lot of technology passing me by. I don't have a lap top or a phone with which I can check my email. I have no idea how to give a presentation using power point, and I'm going to have to ask Gary, when he gets home tonight, how to tweet again!

Right now, as I'm writing this blog, Ruthie brought me a card she made for me, and this is what is said, "Dear Mom, Thank you for being such a good mom. I love your help! Love, Ruthie p.s. your the best!" (I am dead serious when I tell you that I was writing the first paragraph of this post when Ruthie handed me this card.)

So there you have it. There's my struggle! I can't do power point, but I read love notes from my kids in the middle of the day. I guess when I need to, I'll learn what I have to about computer programs and twitter accounts. For now I'll try to be thankful for each day I have with these precious kids. I have a feeling that by the time I become more savvy in the world of technology, Ruthie will be at the age where she'll want to pretend she doesn't know me! LOL

LOST The End - Part 1

(I’m going to post this in two parts. I have a lot more to say, but I think I should get some stuff out there so we can discuss!)

It’s really hard to know how to write this note. I’m struggling with the organization of it, because there’s so much to think about and discuss. I loved the finale. In the end, the story came down to the characters, their relationships with each other, and our emotional attachment to them. I know there are those who did not walk away satisfied, but to me, the ending felt right. I laughed (Miles believes in duct tape, if nothing else!) and I cried (all those “reunions”, Jack's heroic death, etc.)! I left with a feeling of satisfaction, even though I also felt a sense of confusion about what I had just experienced. The following note is my attempt at making some sense of the show, while respectfully being in awe of the writers and their ability to make me feel the way I do about this entire experience. For those of you who feel differently and were not satisfied with the ending, I will quote Doc Jensen in saying, “Your experience of Lost is your experience of Lost, and it is valid.” It’s ok, if you don’t agree with me about the ending, and I would love to hear from you.

As I get distance from the emotional experience of the finale, I start thinking more and more about all the questions I had that never got answered (and, yes, I've watched that video!). I’m a little disappointed, but I also realize that I can continue to try to put the pieces together. Now I know that I’ll never get definitive answers to my theories, but I love that I can continue to think about things that have happened, and try to make sense of them, in light of knowing how it all ends. I will keep doing that and share with you my continuing thoughts and feelings.

Part of my experience with the finale was also thinking about how these characters and their lives have an influence on me. I think about the general concepts of redemption and eternity and how they relate to me. I think about friendship and love and the people that I would be searching to connect with in my Sideways reality (the one that, as Christian so beautifully put it, I will build together with my dear ones). But I also can’t help but think about the people, like you, that I’ve connected with, either for the first time or more deeply, because of LOST! One of my FB friends put on her status something about feeling partly sad that she didn’t watch LOST and then remembering that b/c she didn’t, she had 120 more hours to do other things. I laughed out loud – only 120 hours? I’ve probably spent at least 120 hours, of non-show-watching time, just discussing LOST with other people. I am blessed, because what a great group of people we are! I wouldn’t trade the time spent pondering, discussing, asking questions, and theorizing about LOST for just about anything. It’s been a great journey, and I’m honored that we're enjoying this ride together!

Overarching Theory of LOST

I’m going to start with my thoughts on the overarching theme of LOST and what I believe to be the reality of the situation. I believe that everything that happened, before the Sideways flashes started, really happened. The original Oceanic flight crashed on the island, full of people who needed redemption, including the lottery-winning numbered candidates. In an attempt to find his replacement, Jacob brought many people over the years to the island. He brought them in groups, so that they could have a choice about whether to take the job of protector or not. He didn't have a choice, and free will is important to him. (Remember when Jacob told Richard, "Why should I have to get involved?" I read somewhere that it was Richard who convinced Jacob that he had to take a more active role in order to help the candidates destroy the MIB. Maybe that's why he started the special touches, the lists, etc. -- anyway, I digress!)

The people Jacob brought were flawed. Jacob told Richard that he brought people to the island to prove the MIB wrong in his theory about the nature of man. I think what Jacob meant was that he believes people can find redemption, through change in their own hearts, and through the work of other people (more later). Jacob told Sawyer that he brought them there because they needed the island as much as it needed them. Yes, the island needs a protector for the light (that Mother said is in all of us), and Jacob needed to find people who could figure out how to kill the MIB (since Jacob couldn’t do it himself). But the island also provided an opportunity for people to become who they needed to be in order to go from individually living in their real AND Sideways lives, to collectively moving to the next life.

When the Oceanic 6 left the island, they really had no choice but to go back. They each had unfinished business. Locke was right when he told Jack that he wasn’t supposed to leave. And this season, when Sawyer talked about getting off the island, Jack said that he would not leave, because he remembered how he felt during his time back in LA. Jack became enlightened to the fact that he had a purpose on the island, and to do anything but fulfill it would be unsuccessful.

When the Oceanic 6 returned to the island, they were given a second chance to get things right, which we know they did, because they were all present at the church. They turned their focus from surviving, to finding each other and working together to do what needed to be done (which ended up being many things). Jacob brought them to there to protect the light, figure out how to kill MIB, and to give themselves and each other the opportunity for redemption.

Jacob told MIB that it only ends once and everything else is just progress. I believe now that the progress he refers to is what happens AFTER it ends. People die, and those that have found redemption will be reunited with those who are most important to them and then move on. Christian told Jack that some of the people in the church had died before him and some long after. Christian also said, "The most important time of your life was the time you spent with these people. Nobody does it alone, Jack. You needed all of them and they needed you." The church sanctuary was full of the people who were most important to, and who helped each other along in, the redemptive process. The “progress” that Jacob refers to is the process of finding each other and moving forward. There’s only one ending, but then the journey begins!

I love the idea of finding myself, after death, in a place where I can reunite with those that I love, and then enter Heaven together. Doesn’t that sound glorious?

(I have many more theories, and much more to write about, but I want to start with this: my reaction to the finale, and my ideas about the main story line. I've started writing about redemption, Desmond, some religious stuff, and Eloise. I’ll post more as I get it done. Let me know what you thought about the finale and what you think about these ideas.)

LOST 6.16

Ok, here goes, my thoughts on "What They Died For".

What Desmond Did

1) Lied to Jack about the recovery of Christian’s coffin. It seems like there is going to be some kind of reunion at the History Museum concert. But Desmond’s phone call to Jack made me wonder if he was trying to get Jack to the airport. Why do you think Desmond made this call?

2) Beat Ben up, forcing him to have a glimpse of island life. Desmond also told Ben that he wasn’t trying to hurt Locke, he was trying to help him let go. Ben accepted this truth, because of his flash of Island Life. The moment of recognition changed everything for Ben.

3) Turned himself in to Detective Ford. He has a well-devised plan. Do you think anyone is helping him with this (besides Hurley)? Could Jacob be involved?

4) Made arrangements with Ana Lucia, the dirty cop, to free himself, Sayid and Kate. I did a little research into Ana Lucia, because the details of her story were sketchy to me. I’ll explain a little of her story here, in case you didn’t remember well either. She was an LA cop who was shot in the stomach while she was on the job. She survived, but was pregnant at the time, and the baby died. In her anger, she confronted her attacker and killed him by shooting him six times. She resigned from the force, took a job as airport security officer, met Christian at the airport and went with him to Australia as his personal security. We don't have any indication that she was on the plane in this Sideways story.

5) Was described by Widmore as the “measure of last resort”. Flocke told Ben that Widmore said Desmond was a “fail safe”. This, of course, reminds me of The Swan and the end of Season 2, when Locke and Desmond decided to no longer enter the numbers. All hell broke loose, and Desmond crawled under the Swan and turned the “fail-safe key”. If I had more time and mental energy, I would work out this analogy: Desmond is to Island, as key is to Swan.

6) Presumably escaped from the well. I’m wondering who gave him the rope. Sayid told Jack that Desmond was in the well. If Sayid had given Desmond the rope, I don’t think he would’ve then told Jack he was still in the well. Someone else must have helped him out, but who?

What Jack Did

1) Woke up with the mysterious cut. Is this the same cut that we saw in airplane bathroom? Maybe that cut never healed, and this particular morning it started bleeding again. Do we know how many days it’s been? There has to be some connection between Jack’s cut and something that happens on the island.

2) Promised his son, David, that he wouldn’t “get weird” when he saw David’s mom at the concert. Why would he get weird? We're assuming Juliet is David's mom, right?

3) Sewed up Kate’s bullet wound with some kind of needle and a thread that he got from a shirt or something. This scene was reminiscent of what happened in the pilot, when Kate sewed up Jack’s injured back. In that scene, Jack told Kate about the time that he panicked in the operating room, and his father told him to count to five.

4) Told Locke (in Jack’s Sideways world office) that he (Locke) was mistaking coincidence for fate. A conversation also reminiscent of other conversations they’ve had on the island.

5) Agreed to protect the island, with the wonderful statement, “This is why I’m here. This is what I’m supposed to do.” Jack is stepping back into his leadership position, sacrificing himself for the greater good, but this time he sounds very much like a true man of faith, and not just a man with a Savior complex.

6) Drank the water that had been blessed (possibly turned to wine?), and heard Jacob say, “Now you’re like me.” – the same words said TO Jacob by Mother last week.

7) Did that blinky eye thing that he does, and looked like something was changing inside of him.

What Ben Did

1) Kept a safe full of C4. Huh? I definitely expected him to open the safe and find the C4 gone (or at least some missing), because it had been stolen to use on the plane. Why is he hiding C4?

2) Explained that his secret room was, “where I was told I could summon the monster. That was before I realized it was the one summoning me.” The big question for me is: Who told him he could call up the monster from that room? The obvious answer would be Richard, but he was standing right there and didn’t seem to have any idea what Ben was talking about. Please comment if you have any ideas about this one. I’ve been thinking and thinking, but I can’t figure it out. It seems important! (BTW, we know he did call the monster to kill Keamy after Alex's death.)

3) Had the same bruise under his eye in both the Sideways and Island worlds. Hmm? Maybe it was nothing. Maybe Michael Emerson hurt himself and there wasn’t much they could do to change it. If not, though, could there be some significance to that kind of physical transfer from one world to the other? (Does Jack have a cut on the island?)

4) Had dinner in the Sideways world with Alex and her mother, Danielle. Was it just me, or was there a little love connection going on there? Too bad the series is ending, or we might be able to spend more time with the two of them.

5) Killed Widmore. Say what? I thought he couldn’t kill Widmore. Are the writer’s just forgetting all the “rules” that aren’t convenient, or did things change with, say, Jacob’s death? Why is Ben so eager to kill again? Maybe he thinks he can kill anyone now. He killed Widmore and Jacob, the two men by whom he has been the most hurt and angered. He’s on a roll! (BTW, speaking of rules. Why were Ben and Charles both able to return to the island, even though we originally thought they couldn’t?)

What Flocke/Locke Did

1) Arrived at the DHARMA camp in one of the outriggers. I’m STILL waiting to find out who was shooting whom in those boats when Sawyer and co. were jumping through time.

2) Asked Ben to “kill some people”, and then promised Ben that he could have the island all to himself once MIB was gone. I’m starting to think that MIB doesn’t really want to leave. He just wants to find the light. I think he’s also looking for his donkey wheel. I could definitely be wrong about the leaving thing.

3) Killed Richard. Or I guess we’re assuming he did. Now that Jacob is dead, it seems that Richard is no longer able to live forever.

4) In Sideways world (Locke) was deeply affected by Desmond’s words via Ben. When Desmond said that Locke should let go, Locke remembered that Jack had encouraged him to do the same thing. This, together with his island dreams (where he was surely walking), convinced him that he did want Jack to fix him. He told Jack, “Maybe you’re supposed to fix me.” It was good to see a glimpse of our Man of Faith!

What Miles Did

1) Provided us with some fabulous lines:
“I lived here 30 years before you did, otherwise known as last week.”
“I get wonky around dead stuff.”
“What’s that? I secreter room?” (referring to Ben’s “call the smoke monster” room.)

2) Invited Sideways Sawyer to the fateful concert at his father’s museum.

3) Insisted on leaving Ben’s house when Flocke was on his way. Why did he want to do something so different than what everyone else did? It occurred to me that maybe what he heard from Alex had something to do with his behavior. Maybe Alex told Miles that he needed to run from Flocke. (BTW, did you think it was weird that Ben didn’t seem to care what Miles was responding to when he got “wonky”, even after Richard said that it was Alex? I would’ve insisted that Miles tell me everything he heard. It didn’t even seem to register with Ben.)

What Charles Did

1) Continued to push Ben’s buttons with his superiority. “As usual, Benjamin, I’m three steps ahead of you…” “I’m not saying anymore in front of him.” etc. Bad move, Charles! Ben’s had enough of you, and you don’t get to save your daughter!

2) Said that Jacob visited him after the destruction of the freighter. Charles explained that Jacob had convinced him the error of his ways. What do you think he means? Are we supposed to know what these errors are? Could he have been tagged as protector, but used the ability to get off the island for bad things, like having kids, rather than to touch people and bring them to the island? We know he was on the island for a long time, but he also aged, so I’m just not sure.

What Jacob Did

1) Explained why he brought the Losties to the island. Jacob explained that they were all living flawed lives, and that he chose them as candidates because they were just like him. He said, “You were all alone. You were all looking for something that you couldn’t find out there. I chose you because you needed this place as much as it needed you.”

2) Told Kate that her line was crossed off the cave wall because she became a mother. Two thoughts: 1) Another reference to mother issues. 2) The cave is actually Jacob’s. He basically told us that he was the one crossing off the names on the cave wall.

3) Explained the job of protector, and the fact that he wanted a group, so that they would have a choice. It made me wonder about the numbers. Maybe that’s why there is a group of numbers. Maybe throughout time there have been other groups of numbers, correlating with other groups of possible candidates. Jacob has been searching for a protector for a long, long time. Maybe every hundred years or so, a group of numbers is put together and then used for all kinds of things: lock combinations, airport gates, winning lottery numbers, or other things that would be appropriate in the 1800’s, etc…

Other Thoughts

*We have definitely seen the theme of redemption in this series. I was really struck this episode by the interaction between Sawyer and Jack, and the possible changes in their relationship. Sawyer has been so angry with Jack for his mistakes that led to Juliet’s death. Now Sawyer is in a similar position. He made mistakes that led to the deaths of Jin, Sun and Sayid. A suffering Sawyer spoke with Jack and basically said, “I killed them didn’t I?” Jack responded by telling him that MIB had killed them. Redemption comes in many packages, and maybe by experiencing the cost of his own mistakes, Sawyer is able to forgive Jack for the consequences of his errors.

*When Sideways Hurley saw Ana Lucia, he spoke to her as if he knew her, and then remembered that they hadn’t met yet. It seemed to me that he was completely enlightened to his island life. I’ve debated in past notes whether Desmond knew everything about the island, or just remembered some things. I think Hurley’s short interchange with Ana Lucia tells us that some of them (Desmond included) remember everything.

*How do you think this will all come together? We know that many of the Sideways characters are planning to be at the museum concert. How will Desmond get them all there, and then what will he do once they are? It’s in the Sideways story that we saw the Island at the bottom of the ocean. Maybe if Desmond’s plan works, he can save the Island from drowning!

Only two more days, my friends. What a bittersweet feeling. I can hardly wait for the finale, but am so sad that it will all end. I have honestly been obsessed with LOST for six years. I’m going to be totally lost without it! (I couldn’t resist, and now you can tell me to get a life!).

LOST 6.15

Honestly, my brain hurts. It really does. I’m coming to grips this week with the fact that I’m never going to figure this out. I’m almost ready to stop trying. Almost. There’s so much to talk about, but I’m just dividing this note into four sections: Mother, the timeline, the dagger, and the rules. (And the 5th section, Other Random Questions). So here goes…. (and I apologize for the choppiness and less than fluid transitions. I really struggled with this one.)

Mother

I love Alison Janney, and she played this woman well – crazy as a… (I just goggled “crazy as a” and my favorite answer is this) …crazy as a shithouse rat!! Seriously, though, Whoa momma! Flocke wasn’t kidding when he told Kate that he had a mother once and she was crazy. This week’s episode was a study in bad parenting and the long-term effects. (Maybe Flocke was trying to save poor Aaron from the awful effects of being raised by a crazy woman!)

So we know now that Jacob and MIB are brothers. Young Jacob was quiet, obedient, and helpful. Boy in Black (BIB) was curious, insistent, a liar, and…. “special”.
Mother: “Jacob doesn’t know how to lie. He’s not like you.”
BIB: “Why? What am I like?”
Mother: “You’re…. special.”

What are we to learn from the fact that Jacob was a better person, but Mother loved BIB more? Mother picked BIB to be the protector, but settled for Jacob when she had no other choice. Is there anything that we can learn from that in thinking about our candidates and the next protector of the island?

Here’s my big question. Do you think Mother was the original smoke monster? The reason I ask is this: How could she have possibly killed all those Romans and filled in the wells? It really looked like the work of Smokey. What do you think?

When MIB stabbed her and she was dying, I thought she called him by the name, “Jose”. (Did anyone else hear that? Was anyone watching with closed captioning?) And then she said, “Thank you.” Has she been trapped all these hundreds of years? When she decided on Jacob as the protector, did she set up a situation in which MIB would kill her, so that she could be free?

The Timeline

(I’m still completely confused by the haircuts. Please someone figure this out for me. Why do these men look so different every time we see them?)

Ok, the timeline… We first met Jacob and MIB in the Season 5 finale. I think that scene on the beach happened after Jacob threw MIB in the light tunnel and he became Smokey. Is that what you think too? So, if that’s true, then the MIB in Ab Abterno (1860’s) who appears to Richard and interacts with Jacob is actually Smokey inhabiting MIB’s dead body. In that episode, MIB told Richard that Jacob had stolen his body.

What about never growing old? Mother didn’t seem to age at all during the entire 43 years that they showed in this episode. Did that have to do with drinking the wine? We know why MIB didn’t age. He was actually dead. Maybe Jacob became agelessness from the wine too. That doesn’t explain how Jacob was able to make Richard never age, because we have no indication that Richard ever drank the wine. Maybe Jacob is just able to set the rules however he wants (except that he can’t absolve Richard of his sins or bring back Isabella). One idea is that Jacob is able to stop aging with his touch, but some of the candidates were touched as kids. I wonder if there is any significance to the fact that Jacob touched Sawyer and Kate as kids, but not Jack, Sayid, Hurley and the Kwons.

Do you think that Mother had the power to bring ships and other vessels to the island, the same way that Jacob did? I wonder how long she’d been waiting for successor. Once she had the boys, maybe she stopped bringing ships, and then Jacob had to take up the practice once he was in charge and had to find his own replacement. (BTW, I'm still trying to figure out the number thing. Remember when I was obsessed with that? I really hope we find out how/why those numbers were transmitted to the island, heard by Sam Toomey, repeated to crazy guy in St. Rosa's and then used by Hurley to win the lottery. Those are the numbers of the last possible candidates. How did that happen???)


The Dagger

According to Lostpedia.com, the dagger came on Claudia’s ship. We see MIB throw the dagger against the well stones to show Jacob the electromagnetic force. MIB later uses that dagger to kill Mother.

The next time we see the dagger, MIB is giving it to Richard to use to kill Jacob. (Remember the “don’t let him speak” speech?). Jacob aborts Richard’s killing mission, and takes possession of the dagger.

Later we see the dagger in the Temple, where Dogen gives it to Sayid to kill Flocke (“don’t let him speak” again). Sayid’s attempt to kill Flocke is also unsuccessful, and we now assume that MIB (Flocke) has the dagger again.

We’ve seen that Smokey, in the form of Flocke, seems indestructible. If Mother is the Smoke monster, as I theorized above, I’m wondering if MIB was able to kill her because 1) She didn’t speak, and 2) He used the special dagger.

In the Season 5 finale, Ben stabbed Jacob, but it wasn’t with the special dagger (I know, because I rewatched that scene). If my timeline is correct, at the time when Ben killed Jacob, the dagger was in the Temple with Dogen. We know that MIB couldn’t kill Jacob himself, but there’s no indication that Jacob is indestructible like Flocke (Smokey).

The Rules

So, the protector of the island can just make up the rules? When young Jacob and BIB were playing Senet on the beach, Jacob complained that BIB was making up the rules. BIB responded with “One day you can make up your own game and everyone will have to follow your rules.” According to Mother, she made the rules that wouldn’t allow the boys to leave or to kill each other.

Why did young Jacob come to Flocke in the jungle and say, “You know the rules. You can’t kill him.”? Who did he mean? Was he talking about Sawyer, who was with him at the time? Maybe he was just reminding MIB that he can’t kill the candidates.

Also, why can young Jacob just appear? We know he’s not the Smoke Monster taking the form of Jacob. I can’t make sense of the dead appearing to some and not others. Why could BIB see his dead mother, but Jacob couldn’t? When BIB asked her, she said Jacob couldn’t see her because she was dead. Maybe BIB can see his dead mother because he’s “special.” Hurley sees dead people. We know Walt was special. What does this all mean? Arghh!

Ok, I’ve digressed. Back to the rules… We’ve seen Ben and Widmore reference the rules. When Creepy Keamy killed Alex, Ben said, “He changed the rules.” I thought at the time that he was referring to Charles, but maybe he was talking about Jacob. There are other references made by Ben and Widmore, but I won’t go into all of them now. I wonder if they all stem from Jacob, or if Ben and Widmore made up their own rules.

Other Randoms

*I’m interested in Jacob’s demeanor in all the episodes in which we’ve seen him. As a boy he seemed very conflicted in so many areas. He loved and wanted to believe his mother, but he also loved and wanted to believe his brother. When MIB killed Mother, Jacob got very angry (and we know what he did to MIB). When we saw him again in the Season 5 finale, his interaction with MIB was very calm and unfazed, although when we saw him first interact with Richard, he seemed a little confused about MIB and how to handle the situation. His interactions with the candidates off the island were very calm and seemingly caring, but not very emotional. Then when Ben and Flocke came into the statue, Jacob realized that it was MIB and said, “You found your loophole.”, leading me to believe he knew what was going to happen. He was teary-eyed and more troubled. Do you see what I’m trying to say? His emotional state really varied, and I’m wondering if there’s any significance to that. Maybe this is not important at all. I don’t know. With only 3 1/2 hours of LOST left, I have to think that many of my thoughts and questions will prove to me unimportant, or at least unanswered.

*I do wonder if Jacob was ready to die. Mother seemed to be peaceful about dying when her time came. Jacob knew that the candidates were coming. After Ben stabbed him, and before Flocke kicked him into the fire, he said, “They’re coming.” He hadn’t been able to have communion with anyone, the passing of the protection torch with the sharing of the special wine, but maybe Jacob was ready to give up the protector status.

*I was hoping to get some info. on Eloise Hawking and Charles Widmore this episode. I really thought we would learn of a connection between the Romans, the original “Others”, and Eloise Hawking. I know she wasn’t alive in the 1700’s, but I was just hoping for something that would explain her connection.

*All three of the main characters in this episode seemed very conflicted to me. I talked about Jacob above, but BIB and Mother seemed that way too. Mother was crazy, but still constantly worried about everything. We know the stories of the candidates and they are all conflicted people too. Is that a requirement for protecting the island? Does it have to be someone who has a tragic life story?

Ok, that’s it. Let me know what you thought about this episode. I’m trying really hard not to feel disappointed in the lack of answers and just go with it. I’m really hoping that the last two episodes are jam packed with great stuff. I know we won’t walk away knowing everything, but I hope we’ll leave with a sense of satisfaction.

Lower the Bar, Ladies!

This is a great article entitled, "Lowering the Bar: When bad mothers give us hope". It speaks to me about the very subjects that I blog about here. The author writes, "Today, women no longer need to escape their families to work or be happy—now they need to escape their own unrealistic expectations of what a good mother is." And, "Haven't millions of years of evolution already determined that the vast bulk of mothers would sever their heads with an ax to protect their offspring? Enough. If you love your kids and are doing your best, if they are alive, safe, and sane, then your mind should simply be at ease." There you have it. My goal for the next week is to stop my whinin', do my best to love and care for my kids, and put my mind at ease.

http://www.newsweek.com/id/237526?obref=obinsite

Birthday Week

Our house has been on the market, so I haven't been doing much baking. Last week was Gregory's birthday, though, so I had to crank up the oven again. I made football sugar cookies for him to take to school, and a chocolate chip cookie cake for his Star Wars party. Last week also happened to be teacher appreciation week. I signed up to bring scones to the special teacher appreciation breakfast, AND Gregory came home and told me that he told his teacher he was going to make her fudge. I went from basically no baking for three weeks to three days of making sugar cookies, cookie cake, scones and fudge! Whew!

His baseball season also started last week. The first game was on his birthday (Thursday). His team lost 21-0. The league has a 7-run/inning rule, so the opposing team scored 7 runs in three different innings. Gregory's been doing some pitching (this is the first year of kid-pitch, rather than coach-pitch), and it's surprisingly stressful for me. It's really hard to watch him out on the mound, doing his very best, and struggling. After the first game, the boys were all disappointed and frustrated.

The second game came on Saturday (the morning of Gregory's afternoon birthday party). In this game, the teams were much more evenly matched. Gregory's team scored a couple of runs in the first inning, and I knew it was going to be a better game. Gregory pitched the third and sixth innings. His team went into the final (sixth) inning with a 6-5 lead. The inning started with an out, a walk, and a hit. Gregory then walked the next two batters to load the bases. I watched Gregory's posture fall after the second walk, but then he stood up straight, looked at Gary for encouragement, and proceeded to strike out the last two batters, and preserve the win! It was much-needed for this group of boys who had lost 21-0 just two days before! Gregory and his team were happy! I was happy too, but my nerves were shot! :)

Gregory had his birthday party Saturday afternoon. He invited six friends to a local park for a Star Wars party. He asked them all to bring light sabers, and most of the party was spent in an elaborate battle that Gregory planned and I didn't totally understand. We had chips and Caprisuns and the aforementioned cookie cake. It was cheap and easy, and I think everyone had a great time. I know that the morning's baseball win contributed to the festive mood of the whole day.

Birthday Week was, for me, a microcosm of the joys and challenges of being a parent! :)