The Bad News Babes

Last night I played for the first time on a softball team in a Monday night ladies' league. The name of our team is The Bad News Babes, and it was organized by a friend of a friend. The team is mostly made up of moms with kids around the ages of my kids. I haven't played softball on an organized team in about 20 years, and lest you think I was a real softball player in high school, I'll explain that my experience 20 years ago was on a church ladies' team that was pretty desperate for players, and let me play.

My greatest fear for the evening was complete humiliation. Fortunately my performance was unremarkable in any way -- good or bad -- so total embarrassment was averted. My first time up, I actually doubled, but it was mostly because of a poor throw to first, which allowed me to take an extra base. Gary said (because I asked) that a good throw probably would've gotten me out, but that it would've been close. I like to think that my lightening speed, from home to first, flustered the ball handler so much that she made a bad throw! :) I ended up scoring a run that inning. I only had one other at-bat and that time I popped up, I think in the infield, although I'm not sure because I was busy concentrating on my lightening speed and getting to first! My fielding skills were less than stellar. I played center field. At least one, if not two, balls were hit over my head, and I can definitely use improvement in making a good throw to the correct cut-off person.

The opposing team was much better organized, and for the most part better players. (I was impressed that they were all wearing cleats!) There were times when our team lived up to the name, but we had a great time. It's been a long time since I've been part of a team. It was fun to hang out, and to cheer each other on, and get some exercise!

The best part for me, though, was having my kids there. Gary brought them all to the field. (Bless him!) It made me think about all the hours I've spent watching my kids play sports and cheering for them from the sidelines. Last night it was the other way around, and I think it was a good experience for all of us. They were there with their friends, who also had moms playing, and together the kids cheered for us by name when we were batting. My kids waved to me while I was in the field and gave me thumbs up. (Something I do for them. Last night I realized that they must appreciate it, because they did it back!) And at the end they gave me hugs and high fives, and I felt like they were proud.

The evening was really fun for me. I did something just for me, which provided exercise and social interaction, and I had the complete support of my family. It really doesn't get much better than that!

LOST The End - Part 2

Let me start by saying that Doc Jensen at ew.com has a great 2-part recap. I think most of you have read it, but if you haven’t, you should check it out. He is so thoughtful and articulate, and he’s a true fan! Also, I know that by now those of you who care to, have probably found some resolution to LOST, and have thought about it in terms of how it makes sense to you. It was cathartic for me to write this recap, and I hope that you will take from it what works for you, and leave the rest behind. Now that you have had some time to process, I’d love to hear what conclusions you have drawn, not only the finale, but from the series. (BTW, if reading yet another recap feels like overkill to you, then you can stop reading now and I won’t be offended!)

Ok, here we go… the final recap!

I was deeply moved by the statue of Jesus outside the Sideways church. We saw it both at the beginning of the finale, when Kate and Desmond arrived at the church; and also at the end, when Locke’s taxi pulled into the parking lot. It’s a statue of Jesus with his arms spread wide, and on my second watch of the show, it brought me to tears. I thought of the verses in Matthew that say, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (11:28-30) What a journey this has been for Jack and the rest of the Losties. AND what a journey for us, the fans, as we watch Jack’s gripping passage through the heart of the island and out to his final resting place (next to Vincent, the dear sweet companion dog), alternating with the Sideways reunions and Jack’s ability to finally let go and remember! “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Blessed Redemption

Redemption comes in five forms on the island: forgiving yourself, forgiving others, making sacrifices, finding love, and asking for help. Watching our Losties find redemption through one or more of these paths is really where this entire show has led us. The finale was chock full of great reunions, but it also showed us some glorious redemption stories.

Jack and Sawyer:

The relationship between Jack and Sawyer has been rocky the entire series. The love triangle with Kate, which then became a quadrangle when Juliet entered the picture, provided a lot of tension. The conflict really came to a head, though, when Juliet died. It was Jack’s failed attempt to set off the bomb and effectively change the course of history that led to the events that caused Juliet’s death. When Sawyer brought a dead Juliet from the bottom of the Swan station, he looked straight at Jack with an intense look of anger and said, “You did this.” Sawyer was a man who had changed so much and come so far. He showed that he was willing to sacrifice his own needs for the betterment of the group when he jumped from the helicopter that took the others to rescue. He found love with Juliet. (Remember when we very first saw them as a couple, and Juliet said, “I love you,.”? Were you with me on the edge of your seat, wondering how he would respond? It was our first big glimpse of what a changed man he was, when he smiled his dimpled smile and said, “I love you too.”) Sawyer, who had become a changed man during his time in Dharmaville, was well on the path to redemption when Juliet died and he was sent back into the world of bitterness and anger. I feel, though, that becoming a well-liked head of security and finding love with Juliet wasn’t enough for Sawyer. He and Jack really needed to resolve the issues they had with each other before they could find true redemption.

I wrote in my last, non-finale, recap about the change in Sawyer this season, after the deaths of Jin, Sun and Sayid. He felt responsible for their deaths, and suddenly found himself in the same position as Jack had after Juliet’s death. This is what I wrote, “Sawyer has been so angry with Jack for his mistakes that led to Juliet’s death. Now Sawyer is in a similar position. He made mistakes that led to the deaths of Jin, Sun and Sayid. A suffering Sawyer spoke with Jack and basically said, ‘I killed them didn’t I?’ Jack responded by telling him that MIB had killed them. Redemption comes in many packages, and maybe by experiencing the cost of his own mistakes, Sawyer is able to forgive Jack for the consequences of his errors.”

I think Jack’s gracious response to Sawyer, is an indication of Jack’s own journey to wholeness and redemption. I wrote this last week also, “[Jack] agreed to protect the island, with the wonderful statement, ‘This is why I’m here. This is what I’m supposed to do.’ Jack is stepping back into his leadership position, sacrificing himself for the greater good, but this time he sounds very much like a true man of faith, and not just a man with a Savior complex.” (I’m quoting myself, because it’s a lot easier than trying to figure out a way to say basically the same stuff in a different way.) The relationship between Sawyer and Jack was healed through each man’s ability to forgive himself, to forgive each other and to make truly altruistic sacrifices. The last island scene between the two of them was beautifully heart-breaking for me. Jack: “Good luck to you, James.” Sawyer: “Thanks, Doc…. For everything.” Oh, I could cry right now.

Ben and Hurley (and a little bit of Locke):

I was talking with my parents recently about Ben’s story and his chance for true redemption through his relationship with Hurley, and I seriously got choked up. Although Ben has never been my favorite character, I have always felt deeply sorry for him. His story is such a sad one with his mother’s death at his birth and his father’s inability to get past it. Ben’s anger toward his father (who, in weak moments, would even blame Ben for his mother’s death), led Ben to be vulnerable to the influence of others. He seemed to be in calculated control, but I think he was mostly a puppet on the island stage, with others (including MIB) pulling his strings. The violence we see in him came from a place of rejection, insecurity and bitterness. (I’m not saying that violence is ever justified, but we can see where it stems from in Ben, and can recognize his stumbling blocks for finding reconciliation and peace.)

During the finale, in the scenes with Jack, Hurley and Ben at the heart of the island, we got a chance to see Ben’s true nature, and how antithetical it was to his most prominent personality on the island. When Jack was looking for a cup from which Hurley could drink to become the new protector, Ben was the one who had a water bottle and offered it to Jack. When I watched that scene the 2nd time, I was struck with the fact that Ben knew what was happening. He knew that Jack was choosing Hurley to take Jack’s place as protector, and Ben was willing to facilitate that exchange. He wasn’t angry that Jack hadn’t chosen him. Ben’s willingness to help Hurley become the protector, put Ben in the position of being asked to be Hurley’s advisor. I’m honestly crying now as I write this.
Hurley: “What the hell am I supposed to do?”
Ben: “I think you do what you do best. Take care of people.”
H: “Will you help me? I could really use someone with, like, experience…for a little while. Would you help me, man?”
B: “I’d be honored.”
H: “Cool.”
(The words on paper just don’t do justice to that scene and the power of the actors’ performances and the impact of their words to each other.)

It was so beautiful, because even in leadership, Hurley was honest and vulnerable. And Ben… Ben finally received all he had ever wanted: to be respected and needed. Ben wasn’t necessarily looking to be in charge. He just wanted to be needed. Jacob’s “What about you, Ben?” was the culmination of his perceived failure on the island, and it destroyed him in a way that only Hurley’s “Will you help me?” could restore him.

My hope is that Hurley and Ben had a wonderful ride on the island, doing things Hurley’s way (Ben: “That’s how Jacob ran things. Maybe there’s another way. A better way.”) Maybe their redemption story continues through their time on the island. We know that in the end they had a great run. Hurley (to Ben outside Sideways church), "You know, you were a real good #2." Ben, "You were a great #1, Hugo."

The scene at the end of the episode between Sideways Ben and Sideways Locke was also a wonderful one. Ben apologized to Locke for what he did to him. Locke responded with, “If it helps, Ben, I forgive you.” Ben replied, “Thank you, John. That does help. It matters more than I can say.” This scene seemed as much a reflection of Locke’s redemption story as it was of Ben’s. Poor Locke died before he really had a chance to feel redeemed – to feel loved, and forgiven. What he didn’t realize, this side of Sideways World, was the fact that his death (and therefore his sacrifice) was what brought the Oceanic Six back to the island to redeem themselves and come back to meet him. Locke did not die in vain.

Kate and Claire (and a little bit of Charlie):

Kate’s redemption story started way back in Season 1 when Jack learned that she was the fugitive and didn’t care. We should’ve known then that these two were destined to be together! Their love saved them both. But I don’t think Kate’s story is nearly complete without Claire (and, actually, MIB). It was MIB, as Christian, who lured Claire away from her baby. This decision was what forced Kate into motherhood, and this motherhood is what truly saved her. Kate’s redemption came not in mothering Aaron, but rather in making the sacrifice to leave him and return to the island to get Claire. Kate found redemption in sacrifice and in positioning herself to offer help to Claire in the end. (Kate to Claire: “You’re not alone. Let me help you.”)

Claire’s story started long ago with Charlie. Their love is what saved them both also. In each other, they found love and acceptance and beautiful peace from two very rocky lives. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the Sideways revelations started with Charlie’s glimpse of Claire, because I think the redemption stories on the island started with Charlie’s and Claire’s gentle and tender love for each other, and for Aaron. (Remember when Charlie died in the Looking Glass station, and in that exact moment Aaron started crying on the island? Ok, I’m getting choked up again…)

Jin and Sun:

The story of Jin and Sun is pure brilliance, in my opinion. I think it’s the perfect example of the LOST story: we thought we understood a character, and then the more we learned about his or her story, the more we realized that nothing was really as it seemed. In the beginning, we thought that Jin was an overbearing tyrant, and Sun was his sweet, dutiful wife. Then we learned that it was Sun’s father that turned Jin into this man (against his true nature), and THEN we learned that Sun knowingly set Jin up to be treated this way by her father. Sun borrowed money to pay off Jin’s mother, who said that Jin was born of a prostitute. Sun didn’t want the truth to come out about Jin, so she willingly put Jin in her father’s service to pay off the debt. Their love changed, as Jin became a person HE didn’t even like, and Sun had an affair, learned English, planned to leave him, etc. Their story was like an onion, peeling back the layers revealed more and more story and a deeper understanding of each character.

On the island, Jin and Sun were given a chance to get back to the people they were when they first fell in love. In their pre-island existence, they had eventually gotten to a place where they took each other for granted. They found each other again on the island (figuratively), and ironically for the last two seasons, they were each on a constant search for the other (literally). Their reunion was beautiful and their deaths were tragic, but their redemption was complete.

Making Sense of Sideways World

Reunions:

The reunions were amazing! Didn’t you think? The enhanced version of the finale said, “People remember their island experiences when they are near death, or experience a moment of true love.”

It was great to see Juliet again, and her presence was important to the awakenings of Jin and Sun. To see their story played out in a montage of pictures was a tear-jerker for me. As I mentioned above, their reunion was beautiful and their deaths were tragic, but here they were together in Sideways world ready to move forward. (BTW, I loved it when Juliet described the baby’s heartbeat as, “perfectly perfect in every way.”)

In the Sideways world, there seemed to be a certain aspect of suspension of reality. It was hard to believe that Jack would ask Claire to move in with him after knowing each other a few days, especially when his son was living there. Also, on my first watch of the show, I had a really hard time with the fact that Kate was delivering Claire’s baby, instead of just calling 911. In retrospect, though, I realize that in this world things happen the way they need to in order to allow people the remember and let go. I think what I said earlier about the fact that Kate and Claire were crucial to each other’s redemption story is reflected in their Sideways reunion. They weren’t having a near death experience, it was a moment of true love! It was their love for Aaron, and for each other, that helped them to remember. The subsequent reunion of Claire, Charlie and Aaron was also truly beautiful to watch. (And that reminds me of Hurley’s reaction to Charlie when he first saw him at the motel. Hurley had that lovably goofy grin, and Charlie said, “Who are you and why are you grinning like a sorry idiot?” Good stuff!)

I was surprised that Sayid did not end up with Nadia. Do you remember when Sayid was talking with Flocke outside the Temple, and he said that the woman he loved had died in his arms? Maybe he was referring to Shannon? I don’t think so, but maybe. It seems like a little hiccup in the LOST story telling to me, but I think I can live with it. I loved what Hurley said to Sayid in the Sideways world. “You can’t let other people tell you what you are, dude. You have to decide that for yourself.” Sayid’s story was a sad one, in my opinion, but he was able to prove (hopefully to himself) what a good guy he truly was, when he took the bomb off the sub. It was good to see him find peace at the end (even if it was with Shannon)!

I loved the Sideways Juliet! She was the sweet Juliet from pre-island life, except this time she seemed happy and confident. Her reunion with Sawyer was every bit as wonderful as I had been anticipating (“It worked. We should get coffee sometime. We can go dutch.”) Juliet had such a pained expression on her face as she remembered her own heart-wrenching death, and I loved Sawyer’s response of, “It’s me, baby. I gotcha. I gotcha, baby.”

Jack was that last to let go. The Man of Science needed a lot of enlightening moments in order to believe (Locke, Kate, the coffin…). Through his conversation with his father, we were all given the chance to really understand. In that moment, we learned that they were all dead. After an emotional embrace, Christian explains things to Jack:
1) Everything is real.
2) Some of them died before Jack, some of them long after, and there is no “now”.
3) The Sideways world is a place that they all made together so they would be able to find one another.
4) The most important time of their lives were the times they spent together.
5) Chrisian,“Noone does it alone, Jack. You needed all of them and they needed you.” Jack, “For what?” Christian, “To remember and let go.”
6) They aren’t leaving, they are moving on.

More Sideways Stuff:

I loved that the Sideways world had a positive focus on family. Many of the parent issues were resolved. Miles, Ben and Daniel all had good relationships with their fathers (and Daniel with his mother, too). Jack found peace in the relationship with his son. I’m a little confused about Locke and Anthony Cooper, but my sense is that Anthony was such a bad guy in the real world, that he is left in a vegetative state in the Sideways world and will never be able to move on.

Some, like Daniel, were not ready, and so they didn’t move on. We don’t’ know all of Eloise’s story, but she somehow found redemption with Daniel and is living as his mother in Sideways LA. She is not ready to lose him, and I think that is why she didn’t want Desmond to find Penny and move on. At the concert, she asked Des if he was taking Daniel. I think that the characters not in the church at the end, are building a Sideways world with other people. They will move on together. The reason Ben didn’t go in, was because he now remembers Alex and must help Alex and Danielle to join him in their own process of moving on.

Other Randoms Ideas:

*I loved it when Flocke told Jack that he was, “sort of the obvious choice” for protector of the island. It was another great example the writers’ using the characters on LOST to express things that the fans have been saying. Jack did seem like the obvious choice, but the writers threw a twist when it was actually Hurley who became the protector (presumably for a long time).

*Six Losties left on the Aijira plane that left the island. We now have the Aijira 6 – Kate, Claire, Richard, Miles, Sawyer and Frank!

*I’m wondering if Flocke had gotten off the island, then maybe the evil would’ve won and the people in the Sideways world never would’ve remembered, or been able to let go and move on. Their fight to stop him was not only a fight for survival on the island, but also a fight for eternal survival and release from the in-between (sideways) world. They were able to defeat Smokey because of their connections to each other. Out of conflict grew deep love and respect. They worked together to find redemption and save themselves.

*I believe that there are many answers to be found amid all the seasons of LOST. I think if we look and try to fit some of the pieces together we’ll get some of the answers we seek. I have a few theories of my own, but they will have to wait for another note. And if you ever find yourself rewatching LOST and having an “aha” moment, please share it with me!

Lines I loved (for various reasons):

* Jack to Flocke, “You’re not John Locke. You disrespect his memory by wearing his face, but you’re nothing like him.”

*Kate to Charlie, “Thank you!” Charlie, “It’s just a blanket.”

*Sawyer, “Son of a bitch!” (about 20 times!!)

*Hurley to Jack, “I believe in you, Dude.” Jack to Hurley (later), “Hurley, I believe in you.”

*Kate to Flocke, “I saved you a bullet!”

*Jin and Sun to Sawyer, “We’ll see you there.”

*Kate to Jack, “You can come with us too, Jack. You don’t have to do this... Let the island sink, Jack.” Jack, "I can't."

*Miles, “I don’t believe in a lot of things, but I do believe in duct tape.”

*Jack to Desmond, “I’ll see you in another life, Brotha.”


Parting Thoughts:

Thank you, thank you, thank you for taking this journey with me. It's been a great run. I'm going to miss LOST for the characters and story, for the constant speculation into the meaning of every word, number and literary reference, and for the interaction with you. Please let me know your thoughts!!

Namaste!

Yummy dream bars & chocolate cherry mocha cookies

Dream Bars

This is the combination of about three different recipes, and has also been amended after a not-so-great trial run.

1 cup butter

4 cups graham cracker crumbs

2 cups toasted coconut (see below)

2 cups semi sweet chocolate chips

1 cup butterscotch chips

1 can sweetened condensed milk (or 2)

Melt the butter. Mix in graham crackers. Press into the bottom of a Pam-sprayed 9 x 13 pan. Sprinkle chocolate and butterscotch chips over the graham cracker mix. Sprinkle toasted coconut on top of chips. Pour sweetened condensed milk over everything. (If you like really gooey dream bars, use two cans sweetened condensed milk). Bake for about 20 minutes at 325.

How to toast coconut:

Put a thin layer of coconut on a cookie sheet. Bake for about 20 minutes at 300. Mix every so often to even toasting.

Chocolate Cherry Mocha Cookies (1/2 Batch)

This recipe originally used red wine instead of espresso. I made it with the red wine, but didn't like it much, so I tried it with espresso and liked it a lot more. This is a really rich cookie! :)

3/4 cup flour
1/4 cup + 2T cocoa powder
1/2 t salt
1/2 t baking soda
4 T butter
1/4 cup + 2 T sugar
1/2 cup + 2T brown sugar
2T slightly beaten egg
1/2 t vanilla
1/4 cup espresso or strong coffee
1 cup bittersweet chocolate chips (I used Ghirardelli 60% Cacao)
1/2 cup dried cherries, cut in half

Preheat oven 375. In small bowl, mix flour, cocoa, salt and baking soda. Set aside. In mixer, cream butter with sugars. Add egg and vanilla. Mix well. Add 1/2 dry mixture and then 1/2 the espresso. Mix until just combined. Add the rest of the dry and the rest of the espresso. Mix until just combined. Drop on ungreased cookie sheet and bake 8-10 minutes.

Help me, I'm technologically illiterate!

I have a twitter account, and I'll admit it right here, it's been so long since I've used it, I can't remember how (I just tried!). This is how awful my technological savvy has become! Apparently, being out of the work place for 9 years leads to a lot of technology passing me by. I don't have a lap top or a phone with which I can check my email. I have no idea how to give a presentation using power point, and I'm going to have to ask Gary, when he gets home tonight, how to tweet again!

Right now, as I'm writing this blog, Ruthie brought me a card she made for me, and this is what is said, "Dear Mom, Thank you for being such a good mom. I love your help! Love, Ruthie p.s. your the best!" (I am dead serious when I tell you that I was writing the first paragraph of this post when Ruthie handed me this card.)

So there you have it. There's my struggle! I can't do power point, but I read love notes from my kids in the middle of the day. I guess when I need to, I'll learn what I have to about computer programs and twitter accounts. For now I'll try to be thankful for each day I have with these precious kids. I have a feeling that by the time I become more savvy in the world of technology, Ruthie will be at the age where she'll want to pretend she doesn't know me! LOL

LOST The End - Part 1

(I’m going to post this in two parts. I have a lot more to say, but I think I should get some stuff out there so we can discuss!)

It’s really hard to know how to write this note. I’m struggling with the organization of it, because there’s so much to think about and discuss. I loved the finale. In the end, the story came down to the characters, their relationships with each other, and our emotional attachment to them. I know there are those who did not walk away satisfied, but to me, the ending felt right. I laughed (Miles believes in duct tape, if nothing else!) and I cried (all those “reunions”, Jack's heroic death, etc.)! I left with a feeling of satisfaction, even though I also felt a sense of confusion about what I had just experienced. The following note is my attempt at making some sense of the show, while respectfully being in awe of the writers and their ability to make me feel the way I do about this entire experience. For those of you who feel differently and were not satisfied with the ending, I will quote Doc Jensen in saying, “Your experience of Lost is your experience of Lost, and it is valid.” It’s ok, if you don’t agree with me about the ending, and I would love to hear from you.

As I get distance from the emotional experience of the finale, I start thinking more and more about all the questions I had that never got answered (and, yes, I've watched that video!). I’m a little disappointed, but I also realize that I can continue to try to put the pieces together. Now I know that I’ll never get definitive answers to my theories, but I love that I can continue to think about things that have happened, and try to make sense of them, in light of knowing how it all ends. I will keep doing that and share with you my continuing thoughts and feelings.

Part of my experience with the finale was also thinking about how these characters and their lives have an influence on me. I think about the general concepts of redemption and eternity and how they relate to me. I think about friendship and love and the people that I would be searching to connect with in my Sideways reality (the one that, as Christian so beautifully put it, I will build together with my dear ones). But I also can’t help but think about the people, like you, that I’ve connected with, either for the first time or more deeply, because of LOST! One of my FB friends put on her status something about feeling partly sad that she didn’t watch LOST and then remembering that b/c she didn’t, she had 120 more hours to do other things. I laughed out loud – only 120 hours? I’ve probably spent at least 120 hours, of non-show-watching time, just discussing LOST with other people. I am blessed, because what a great group of people we are! I wouldn’t trade the time spent pondering, discussing, asking questions, and theorizing about LOST for just about anything. It’s been a great journey, and I’m honored that we're enjoying this ride together!

Overarching Theory of LOST

I’m going to start with my thoughts on the overarching theme of LOST and what I believe to be the reality of the situation. I believe that everything that happened, before the Sideways flashes started, really happened. The original Oceanic flight crashed on the island, full of people who needed redemption, including the lottery-winning numbered candidates. In an attempt to find his replacement, Jacob brought many people over the years to the island. He brought them in groups, so that they could have a choice about whether to take the job of protector or not. He didn't have a choice, and free will is important to him. (Remember when Jacob told Richard, "Why should I have to get involved?" I read somewhere that it was Richard who convinced Jacob that he had to take a more active role in order to help the candidates destroy the MIB. Maybe that's why he started the special touches, the lists, etc. -- anyway, I digress!)

The people Jacob brought were flawed. Jacob told Richard that he brought people to the island to prove the MIB wrong in his theory about the nature of man. I think what Jacob meant was that he believes people can find redemption, through change in their own hearts, and through the work of other people (more later). Jacob told Sawyer that he brought them there because they needed the island as much as it needed them. Yes, the island needs a protector for the light (that Mother said is in all of us), and Jacob needed to find people who could figure out how to kill the MIB (since Jacob couldn’t do it himself). But the island also provided an opportunity for people to become who they needed to be in order to go from individually living in their real AND Sideways lives, to collectively moving to the next life.

When the Oceanic 6 left the island, they really had no choice but to go back. They each had unfinished business. Locke was right when he told Jack that he wasn’t supposed to leave. And this season, when Sawyer talked about getting off the island, Jack said that he would not leave, because he remembered how he felt during his time back in LA. Jack became enlightened to the fact that he had a purpose on the island, and to do anything but fulfill it would be unsuccessful.

When the Oceanic 6 returned to the island, they were given a second chance to get things right, which we know they did, because they were all present at the church. They turned their focus from surviving, to finding each other and working together to do what needed to be done (which ended up being many things). Jacob brought them to there to protect the light, figure out how to kill MIB, and to give themselves and each other the opportunity for redemption.

Jacob told MIB that it only ends once and everything else is just progress. I believe now that the progress he refers to is what happens AFTER it ends. People die, and those that have found redemption will be reunited with those who are most important to them and then move on. Christian told Jack that some of the people in the church had died before him and some long after. Christian also said, "The most important time of your life was the time you spent with these people. Nobody does it alone, Jack. You needed all of them and they needed you." The church sanctuary was full of the people who were most important to, and who helped each other along in, the redemptive process. The “progress” that Jacob refers to is the process of finding each other and moving forward. There’s only one ending, but then the journey begins!

I love the idea of finding myself, after death, in a place where I can reunite with those that I love, and then enter Heaven together. Doesn’t that sound glorious?

(I have many more theories, and much more to write about, but I want to start with this: my reaction to the finale, and my ideas about the main story line. I've started writing about redemption, Desmond, some religious stuff, and Eloise. I’ll post more as I get it done. Let me know what you thought about the finale and what you think about these ideas.)

LOST 6.16

Ok, here goes, my thoughts on "What They Died For".

What Desmond Did

1) Lied to Jack about the recovery of Christian’s coffin. It seems like there is going to be some kind of reunion at the History Museum concert. But Desmond’s phone call to Jack made me wonder if he was trying to get Jack to the airport. Why do you think Desmond made this call?

2) Beat Ben up, forcing him to have a glimpse of island life. Desmond also told Ben that he wasn’t trying to hurt Locke, he was trying to help him let go. Ben accepted this truth, because of his flash of Island Life. The moment of recognition changed everything for Ben.

3) Turned himself in to Detective Ford. He has a well-devised plan. Do you think anyone is helping him with this (besides Hurley)? Could Jacob be involved?

4) Made arrangements with Ana Lucia, the dirty cop, to free himself, Sayid and Kate. I did a little research into Ana Lucia, because the details of her story were sketchy to me. I’ll explain a little of her story here, in case you didn’t remember well either. She was an LA cop who was shot in the stomach while she was on the job. She survived, but was pregnant at the time, and the baby died. In her anger, she confronted her attacker and killed him by shooting him six times. She resigned from the force, took a job as airport security officer, met Christian at the airport and went with him to Australia as his personal security. We don't have any indication that she was on the plane in this Sideways story.

5) Was described by Widmore as the “measure of last resort”. Flocke told Ben that Widmore said Desmond was a “fail safe”. This, of course, reminds me of The Swan and the end of Season 2, when Locke and Desmond decided to no longer enter the numbers. All hell broke loose, and Desmond crawled under the Swan and turned the “fail-safe key”. If I had more time and mental energy, I would work out this analogy: Desmond is to Island, as key is to Swan.

6) Presumably escaped from the well. I’m wondering who gave him the rope. Sayid told Jack that Desmond was in the well. If Sayid had given Desmond the rope, I don’t think he would’ve then told Jack he was still in the well. Someone else must have helped him out, but who?

What Jack Did

1) Woke up with the mysterious cut. Is this the same cut that we saw in airplane bathroom? Maybe that cut never healed, and this particular morning it started bleeding again. Do we know how many days it’s been? There has to be some connection between Jack’s cut and something that happens on the island.

2) Promised his son, David, that he wouldn’t “get weird” when he saw David’s mom at the concert. Why would he get weird? We're assuming Juliet is David's mom, right?

3) Sewed up Kate’s bullet wound with some kind of needle and a thread that he got from a shirt or something. This scene was reminiscent of what happened in the pilot, when Kate sewed up Jack’s injured back. In that scene, Jack told Kate about the time that he panicked in the operating room, and his father told him to count to five.

4) Told Locke (in Jack’s Sideways world office) that he (Locke) was mistaking coincidence for fate. A conversation also reminiscent of other conversations they’ve had on the island.

5) Agreed to protect the island, with the wonderful statement, “This is why I’m here. This is what I’m supposed to do.” Jack is stepping back into his leadership position, sacrificing himself for the greater good, but this time he sounds very much like a true man of faith, and not just a man with a Savior complex.

6) Drank the water that had been blessed (possibly turned to wine?), and heard Jacob say, “Now you’re like me.” – the same words said TO Jacob by Mother last week.

7) Did that blinky eye thing that he does, and looked like something was changing inside of him.

What Ben Did

1) Kept a safe full of C4. Huh? I definitely expected him to open the safe and find the C4 gone (or at least some missing), because it had been stolen to use on the plane. Why is he hiding C4?

2) Explained that his secret room was, “where I was told I could summon the monster. That was before I realized it was the one summoning me.” The big question for me is: Who told him he could call up the monster from that room? The obvious answer would be Richard, but he was standing right there and didn’t seem to have any idea what Ben was talking about. Please comment if you have any ideas about this one. I’ve been thinking and thinking, but I can’t figure it out. It seems important! (BTW, we know he did call the monster to kill Keamy after Alex's death.)

3) Had the same bruise under his eye in both the Sideways and Island worlds. Hmm? Maybe it was nothing. Maybe Michael Emerson hurt himself and there wasn’t much they could do to change it. If not, though, could there be some significance to that kind of physical transfer from one world to the other? (Does Jack have a cut on the island?)

4) Had dinner in the Sideways world with Alex and her mother, Danielle. Was it just me, or was there a little love connection going on there? Too bad the series is ending, or we might be able to spend more time with the two of them.

5) Killed Widmore. Say what? I thought he couldn’t kill Widmore. Are the writer’s just forgetting all the “rules” that aren’t convenient, or did things change with, say, Jacob’s death? Why is Ben so eager to kill again? Maybe he thinks he can kill anyone now. He killed Widmore and Jacob, the two men by whom he has been the most hurt and angered. He’s on a roll! (BTW, speaking of rules. Why were Ben and Charles both able to return to the island, even though we originally thought they couldn’t?)

What Flocke/Locke Did

1) Arrived at the DHARMA camp in one of the outriggers. I’m STILL waiting to find out who was shooting whom in those boats when Sawyer and co. were jumping through time.

2) Asked Ben to “kill some people”, and then promised Ben that he could have the island all to himself once MIB was gone. I’m starting to think that MIB doesn’t really want to leave. He just wants to find the light. I think he’s also looking for his donkey wheel. I could definitely be wrong about the leaving thing.

3) Killed Richard. Or I guess we’re assuming he did. Now that Jacob is dead, it seems that Richard is no longer able to live forever.

4) In Sideways world (Locke) was deeply affected by Desmond’s words via Ben. When Desmond said that Locke should let go, Locke remembered that Jack had encouraged him to do the same thing. This, together with his island dreams (where he was surely walking), convinced him that he did want Jack to fix him. He told Jack, “Maybe you’re supposed to fix me.” It was good to see a glimpse of our Man of Faith!

What Miles Did

1) Provided us with some fabulous lines:
“I lived here 30 years before you did, otherwise known as last week.”
“I get wonky around dead stuff.”
“What’s that? I secreter room?” (referring to Ben’s “call the smoke monster” room.)

2) Invited Sideways Sawyer to the fateful concert at his father’s museum.

3) Insisted on leaving Ben’s house when Flocke was on his way. Why did he want to do something so different than what everyone else did? It occurred to me that maybe what he heard from Alex had something to do with his behavior. Maybe Alex told Miles that he needed to run from Flocke. (BTW, did you think it was weird that Ben didn’t seem to care what Miles was responding to when he got “wonky”, even after Richard said that it was Alex? I would’ve insisted that Miles tell me everything he heard. It didn’t even seem to register with Ben.)

What Charles Did

1) Continued to push Ben’s buttons with his superiority. “As usual, Benjamin, I’m three steps ahead of you…” “I’m not saying anymore in front of him.” etc. Bad move, Charles! Ben’s had enough of you, and you don’t get to save your daughter!

2) Said that Jacob visited him after the destruction of the freighter. Charles explained that Jacob had convinced him the error of his ways. What do you think he means? Are we supposed to know what these errors are? Could he have been tagged as protector, but used the ability to get off the island for bad things, like having kids, rather than to touch people and bring them to the island? We know he was on the island for a long time, but he also aged, so I’m just not sure.

What Jacob Did

1) Explained why he brought the Losties to the island. Jacob explained that they were all living flawed lives, and that he chose them as candidates because they were just like him. He said, “You were all alone. You were all looking for something that you couldn’t find out there. I chose you because you needed this place as much as it needed you.”

2) Told Kate that her line was crossed off the cave wall because she became a mother. Two thoughts: 1) Another reference to mother issues. 2) The cave is actually Jacob’s. He basically told us that he was the one crossing off the names on the cave wall.

3) Explained the job of protector, and the fact that he wanted a group, so that they would have a choice. It made me wonder about the numbers. Maybe that’s why there is a group of numbers. Maybe throughout time there have been other groups of numbers, correlating with other groups of possible candidates. Jacob has been searching for a protector for a long, long time. Maybe every hundred years or so, a group of numbers is put together and then used for all kinds of things: lock combinations, airport gates, winning lottery numbers, or other things that would be appropriate in the 1800’s, etc…

Other Thoughts

*We have definitely seen the theme of redemption in this series. I was really struck this episode by the interaction between Sawyer and Jack, and the possible changes in their relationship. Sawyer has been so angry with Jack for his mistakes that led to Juliet’s death. Now Sawyer is in a similar position. He made mistakes that led to the deaths of Jin, Sun and Sayid. A suffering Sawyer spoke with Jack and basically said, “I killed them didn’t I?” Jack responded by telling him that MIB had killed them. Redemption comes in many packages, and maybe by experiencing the cost of his own mistakes, Sawyer is able to forgive Jack for the consequences of his errors.

*When Sideways Hurley saw Ana Lucia, he spoke to her as if he knew her, and then remembered that they hadn’t met yet. It seemed to me that he was completely enlightened to his island life. I’ve debated in past notes whether Desmond knew everything about the island, or just remembered some things. I think Hurley’s short interchange with Ana Lucia tells us that some of them (Desmond included) remember everything.

*How do you think this will all come together? We know that many of the Sideways characters are planning to be at the museum concert. How will Desmond get them all there, and then what will he do once they are? It’s in the Sideways story that we saw the Island at the bottom of the ocean. Maybe if Desmond’s plan works, he can save the Island from drowning!

Only two more days, my friends. What a bittersweet feeling. I can hardly wait for the finale, but am so sad that it will all end. I have honestly been obsessed with LOST for six years. I’m going to be totally lost without it! (I couldn’t resist, and now you can tell me to get a life!).

LOST 6.15

Honestly, my brain hurts. It really does. I’m coming to grips this week with the fact that I’m never going to figure this out. I’m almost ready to stop trying. Almost. There’s so much to talk about, but I’m just dividing this note into four sections: Mother, the timeline, the dagger, and the rules. (And the 5th section, Other Random Questions). So here goes…. (and I apologize for the choppiness and less than fluid transitions. I really struggled with this one.)

Mother

I love Alison Janney, and she played this woman well – crazy as a… (I just goggled “crazy as a” and my favorite answer is this) …crazy as a shithouse rat!! Seriously, though, Whoa momma! Flocke wasn’t kidding when he told Kate that he had a mother once and she was crazy. This week’s episode was a study in bad parenting and the long-term effects. (Maybe Flocke was trying to save poor Aaron from the awful effects of being raised by a crazy woman!)

So we know now that Jacob and MIB are brothers. Young Jacob was quiet, obedient, and helpful. Boy in Black (BIB) was curious, insistent, a liar, and…. “special”.
Mother: “Jacob doesn’t know how to lie. He’s not like you.”
BIB: “Why? What am I like?”
Mother: “You’re…. special.”

What are we to learn from the fact that Jacob was a better person, but Mother loved BIB more? Mother picked BIB to be the protector, but settled for Jacob when she had no other choice. Is there anything that we can learn from that in thinking about our candidates and the next protector of the island?

Here’s my big question. Do you think Mother was the original smoke monster? The reason I ask is this: How could she have possibly killed all those Romans and filled in the wells? It really looked like the work of Smokey. What do you think?

When MIB stabbed her and she was dying, I thought she called him by the name, “Jose”. (Did anyone else hear that? Was anyone watching with closed captioning?) And then she said, “Thank you.” Has she been trapped all these hundreds of years? When she decided on Jacob as the protector, did she set up a situation in which MIB would kill her, so that she could be free?

The Timeline

(I’m still completely confused by the haircuts. Please someone figure this out for me. Why do these men look so different every time we see them?)

Ok, the timeline… We first met Jacob and MIB in the Season 5 finale. I think that scene on the beach happened after Jacob threw MIB in the light tunnel and he became Smokey. Is that what you think too? So, if that’s true, then the MIB in Ab Abterno (1860’s) who appears to Richard and interacts with Jacob is actually Smokey inhabiting MIB’s dead body. In that episode, MIB told Richard that Jacob had stolen his body.

What about never growing old? Mother didn’t seem to age at all during the entire 43 years that they showed in this episode. Did that have to do with drinking the wine? We know why MIB didn’t age. He was actually dead. Maybe Jacob became agelessness from the wine too. That doesn’t explain how Jacob was able to make Richard never age, because we have no indication that Richard ever drank the wine. Maybe Jacob is just able to set the rules however he wants (except that he can’t absolve Richard of his sins or bring back Isabella). One idea is that Jacob is able to stop aging with his touch, but some of the candidates were touched as kids. I wonder if there is any significance to the fact that Jacob touched Sawyer and Kate as kids, but not Jack, Sayid, Hurley and the Kwons.

Do you think that Mother had the power to bring ships and other vessels to the island, the same way that Jacob did? I wonder how long she’d been waiting for successor. Once she had the boys, maybe she stopped bringing ships, and then Jacob had to take up the practice once he was in charge and had to find his own replacement. (BTW, I'm still trying to figure out the number thing. Remember when I was obsessed with that? I really hope we find out how/why those numbers were transmitted to the island, heard by Sam Toomey, repeated to crazy guy in St. Rosa's and then used by Hurley to win the lottery. Those are the numbers of the last possible candidates. How did that happen???)


The Dagger

According to Lostpedia.com, the dagger came on Claudia’s ship. We see MIB throw the dagger against the well stones to show Jacob the electromagnetic force. MIB later uses that dagger to kill Mother.

The next time we see the dagger, MIB is giving it to Richard to use to kill Jacob. (Remember the “don’t let him speak” speech?). Jacob aborts Richard’s killing mission, and takes possession of the dagger.

Later we see the dagger in the Temple, where Dogen gives it to Sayid to kill Flocke (“don’t let him speak” again). Sayid’s attempt to kill Flocke is also unsuccessful, and we now assume that MIB (Flocke) has the dagger again.

We’ve seen that Smokey, in the form of Flocke, seems indestructible. If Mother is the Smoke monster, as I theorized above, I’m wondering if MIB was able to kill her because 1) She didn’t speak, and 2) He used the special dagger.

In the Season 5 finale, Ben stabbed Jacob, but it wasn’t with the special dagger (I know, because I rewatched that scene). If my timeline is correct, at the time when Ben killed Jacob, the dagger was in the Temple with Dogen. We know that MIB couldn’t kill Jacob himself, but there’s no indication that Jacob is indestructible like Flocke (Smokey).

The Rules

So, the protector of the island can just make up the rules? When young Jacob and BIB were playing Senet on the beach, Jacob complained that BIB was making up the rules. BIB responded with “One day you can make up your own game and everyone will have to follow your rules.” According to Mother, she made the rules that wouldn’t allow the boys to leave or to kill each other.

Why did young Jacob come to Flocke in the jungle and say, “You know the rules. You can’t kill him.”? Who did he mean? Was he talking about Sawyer, who was with him at the time? Maybe he was just reminding MIB that he can’t kill the candidates.

Also, why can young Jacob just appear? We know he’s not the Smoke Monster taking the form of Jacob. I can’t make sense of the dead appearing to some and not others. Why could BIB see his dead mother, but Jacob couldn’t? When BIB asked her, she said Jacob couldn’t see her because she was dead. Maybe BIB can see his dead mother because he’s “special.” Hurley sees dead people. We know Walt was special. What does this all mean? Arghh!

Ok, I’ve digressed. Back to the rules… We’ve seen Ben and Widmore reference the rules. When Creepy Keamy killed Alex, Ben said, “He changed the rules.” I thought at the time that he was referring to Charles, but maybe he was talking about Jacob. There are other references made by Ben and Widmore, but I won’t go into all of them now. I wonder if they all stem from Jacob, or if Ben and Widmore made up their own rules.

Other Randoms

*I’m interested in Jacob’s demeanor in all the episodes in which we’ve seen him. As a boy he seemed very conflicted in so many areas. He loved and wanted to believe his mother, but he also loved and wanted to believe his brother. When MIB killed Mother, Jacob got very angry (and we know what he did to MIB). When we saw him again in the Season 5 finale, his interaction with MIB was very calm and unfazed, although when we saw him first interact with Richard, he seemed a little confused about MIB and how to handle the situation. His interactions with the candidates off the island were very calm and seemingly caring, but not very emotional. Then when Ben and Flocke came into the statue, Jacob realized that it was MIB and said, “You found your loophole.”, leading me to believe he knew what was going to happen. He was teary-eyed and more troubled. Do you see what I’m trying to say? His emotional state really varied, and I’m wondering if there’s any significance to that. Maybe this is not important at all. I don’t know. With only 3 1/2 hours of LOST left, I have to think that many of my thoughts and questions will prove to me unimportant, or at least unanswered.

*I do wonder if Jacob was ready to die. Mother seemed to be peaceful about dying when her time came. Jacob knew that the candidates were coming. After Ben stabbed him, and before Flocke kicked him into the fire, he said, “They’re coming.” He hadn’t been able to have communion with anyone, the passing of the protection torch with the sharing of the special wine, but maybe Jacob was ready to give up the protector status.

*I was hoping to get some info. on Eloise Hawking and Charles Widmore this episode. I really thought we would learn of a connection between the Romans, the original “Others”, and Eloise Hawking. I know she wasn’t alive in the 1700’s, but I was just hoping for something that would explain her connection.

*All three of the main characters in this episode seemed very conflicted to me. I talked about Jacob above, but BIB and Mother seemed that way too. Mother was crazy, but still constantly worried about everything. We know the stories of the candidates and they are all conflicted people too. Is that a requirement for protecting the island? Does it have to be someone who has a tragic life story?

Ok, that’s it. Let me know what you thought about this episode. I’m trying really hard not to feel disappointed in the lack of answers and just go with it. I’m really hoping that the last two episodes are jam packed with great stuff. I know we won’t walk away knowing everything, but I hope we’ll leave with a sense of satisfaction.